So...we made it to the end of January - and the year is well and truly under way! I hope you enjoyed your daily dose of feelgood from the New Years Revolution. We end our journey through January with a piece from Gina Edwards about the little things you can do all year round to make life a little bit fun. It's all about YOU.

I'd happily carry on all year with this blog, but the day job demands some attention and I'm sure I'd soon run out of experts and contributors! Thanks...I mean it...to everyone who took the time to contribute to the blog in one way or another. Keep coming back to Relentlessly Positive - and have a great 2008!!!

THE LITTLE THINGS... by Gina Edwards

How much time do we spend in the pursuit of happiness as a vague concept? Do we really spend enough time doing the little things that make us smile - and that make us feel good inside?

Spending time focusing on ourselves is something we all pay lip service to - but the world we live in seems to absorb our lives without us even noticing. There’s a line in a famous Leonardo De Caprio film that inspires me - “paradise wasn’t some place you can look for, 'cause it's not where you go. It's how you feel for a moment in your life.”

I don’t believe you have to go to a desolate beach, and lounge in the sun with Leonardo to find a place that’s your paradise (although, lets face it, I wouldn’t say no.) A moment of paradise can be found in a snatched hour on a Sunday, in a good book, or in sharing a joke with a friend. Simple smile inducers are all around us, but sometimes we just need reminding of where to look for them. Here are a few of mine.

Please Mr Postman

Write a letter to a friend. Write about what you have been up to; your achievements, your goals; share amusing stories and gossip – even tell them how much they mean to you. This will help you feel good – reconnecting with an old friend, and the knowledge of how chuffed they will be when the letter arrives on their doorstep is enough to make you feel all warm inside. If you’re writing to an old friend, why not include a photo of the two of you and any other friends you share?

Get active

Go for a walk in the park. The fresh air alone will help clear your head. If you feel generous and energetic, why not borrow a friend’s dog for a few hours? Canine antics will no doubt get you moving…and make you laugh. All exercise releases endorphins – hormones that make you feel happy. Getting fit is a great excuse for dumping the daily chores, so whether it be a gentle yoga class, a fast paced gym session or just a stroll in the park, find out what works for you and make it your escape.

Feed the five thousand

Cook a meal for your mates. There is nothing better than enjoying a meal that was lovingly prepared - with the help of the delectable Nigella or the gorgeous Mr Oliver – with a good bottle of wine and some great company. Keep the menu simple, but make sure that you have your favourite cooking CD playing loudly in the background for motivation. Mine has to be Whitney Houston’s Greatest Hits, and when I’m on my second glass of wine, cooking my heart out, I sound so like her it’s uncanny. Belting out your favourite track into a wooden spoon while sautéing, stirring and flambéing will definitely make you happy…and dinner will be the icing on your (handmade) cake!

Bubbles!

Run yourself a bath. Nothing beats a really good soak. Peace and quiet, candles, copious bubbles and some of your favourite music should send you off in the right direction.

Be a bookworm

Get stuck into a good book. We get used to flicking through magazines and scanning the papers – so set aside an hour or so to dig out a Dickens or a Jackie Collins. Losing yourself in a book is a great feeling – as long as the book isn’t one of those trendy ‘I had a really bad childhood and nobody loves me’ autobiographies!

Reminisce

Put together album of all your favourite photos. We all have boxes of photos (pre-digital cameras, anyway) and spending a few hours organising them and rifling through memories of old friends and loved ones will make you feel nostalgic, and remind you of happy times. If you’re very organised and keep your albums regularly updated, then take the time to look through them anyway. People are always devastated when their memories and photographs are destroyed in fires or accidents, but how many of us can honestly admit to taking the time to delve into ours and make the most of them?

Are you constantly trying to be better, richer, prettier, thinner? Do you ever wish you were someone else? Well stop it!

Anyone who has ever sat through a rainy afternoon of daytime TV will be aware of the concept of self esteem. Especially if you, like me were hooked on American chat shows as a panacea for all colds, migraines and flu in the 1990s.

OK, so I've grown out of my Ricki Lake phase now, and I can't watch Trisha Goddard or Jeremy Kyle without wanting to (a) call my dentist or (b) throw a shoe at the TV. But the one thing most of these 'I can make your life better' chat show hosts seem to carp on about all the time is self esteem.

So, what is it? Is it knowing that you look good in your bikini? Is it having a car that you can show off? Is it being first in the egg and spoon race? Not a bit. Self esteem is the opposite of what's called 'approval addiction' and approval addiction is a malaise that is taking over the brains of an awful lot of fabulous men and women - and turning us into media-led scaredy cats who are afraid to be who we are in case we don't fit in to some image or ideal set for us by faceless people trying to sell us a dream.

Nathaniel Branden

Self esteem has been written about by many a self-help book author. One of the best is Nathaniel Branden, who says:

"Self-esteem has two essential components:

• Self-efficacy: Confidence in the ability to cope with life’s challenges - giving you a a sense of control over your life.
• Self-respect: Believing that you are deserving of happiness, achievement and love. Self-respect makes possible a sense of community with others.

See? Nothing there about being a size ten or having a four-bed detatched and three foreign holidays a year.

The truth is, it has to come from inside. The way many of us feel about ourselves is one of the main reasons I started Relentlessly Positive. I was, and am, sick to death of hearing intelligent, capable people putting themselves down for what they saw as their failings and completely ignoring all the things that I love about them.

What won't work

You will never ever get anywhere if you spend your life living for other people. If you think that being thin is going to give you confidence - it might make you feel warm and glowy to get attention and compliments, and you might get a high from the fact you no longer need to shop at Evans (Lord knows, that would be a bonus...) but it won't make you like yourself any more. The high will wear off, the 'haven't you lost weight?' compliments will dry up, and you'll start looking for approval somewhere else.

The same goes for money or talent. OK, being rich can buy you a better class of misery but wealth never buys happiness. There are some very happy rich people out there, but the chances are they were content and happy anyway. If your bank balance dictates your happiness, you will spend far too much time worrying about it - and should the worst happen, you'll lose your entire sense of self worth based on an arbitrary figure.

Robbie Williams is rich and successful but is he happy? Is he hell. He is probably the most insecure person in the music industry, a world populated with people desperate for others' approval because they can't just sit back and say to themselves, "You know, I'm living a charmed life. I'm being paid to do what I love every single day." - they are obsessed with chasing the next number one single, more column inches, and positive reviews. Why do you think so many celebs end up in rehab? I say 'No no no' <groan>

So what will?

"Self-esteem has to do with what I think of me, not what anyone else thinks of me."

If you want to be happy, stop trying to be someone else. Stop focusing on what other people think of you, and turn it around - take an interest in other people, what do you think of them? What have they done with their lives? What makes them tick? When you're alone, take some time to be just you. Stuff what you *should* be doing. Lose yourself in pleasures that you really enjoy (reading, yoga, art, chocolate, sex...)

You'll know when you're focussing on yourself too much - you'll use words like 'me, myself, I, mine' a LOT. Someone's mental and even, to some extent, physical health can be directly related to how 'self-referential' they are in their conversation - as people become healthier they use the 'I' word less, in the same way that when your knee stops hurting you don't need to rub it any more.

You can't make people like you, love you, or fancy you. And if you don't like yourself, that's going to make it even harder for any self respecting potential friend, boss, or lover to be interested in you. self loathing radiates from every pore - but so does real self acceptance, and people who are comfortable in their own skin absolutely light up the room.

People with high self-esteem . . .

• Usually see other people in a better light, too.
• Expect other people to like and accept them.
• Perform better in high pressure situations, and do better work when the standards are high.
• Feel confident and secure enough to shrug off negative comments from others.

On the other hand, people with low self-esteem . . .

• Frequently dislike others.
• Expect that other people will dislike and reject them.
• Have trouble performing under pressure, and find it hard to work in demanding environments.
• Are more vulnerable to negative comments and reactions from others

We're brought up in a world where from an early age we are told that we have to conform. we have to buy these products to be popular, look a certain way, dress a certain way and think a certain way. bu stop and think about it. Think about your own circle of friends, and family. Are they all drop dead gorgeous? Are they all thin? Are they all rich? Do they all have the perfect career, a family, a big house? My bet is that no, most of them don't fit that ideal. But I'll bet that you love them anyway? So why can't you love yourself, cheesey as that sounds? We are all different. We're supposed to be, for goodness sake.

The only person that matters is YOU. One of the most important things that you can do for yourself is to take real responsibility for your actions.. Refuse to behave like a victim … or to wait for someone to save you from life’s problems. That includes the latest diet. Realise that whatever is wrong in your life - it doesn't make you a bad person, and that you are capable of overcoming it. Be yourself...it's the only way you will ever be happy!

If you enjoyed the tips from Fiona yesterday, you'll be pleased to read more good advice from her about how to eat to beat the rest of this cold, grey January...and keep you going well into February and March too!

FOODS TO HELP YOU BEAT THE NEW YEAR GLOOM

There is no ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to eating to counteract mood swings (they occur as a result of so many different personal circumstances) but eating regularly in an effort to keep your blood sugar levels stable may reduce cravings for sugary, salty and fatty foods, maximise your energy levels and enable you to cope better with the ‘daily grind’.

One way of managing this is to eat something and drink something every 3 hours. 7am:- porridge or muesli with sliced fruit and a sprinkling of mixed seeds and a pot of mint tea 10am:- bundle of raw chopped vegetables with some hummus and a bottle of water 1pm:- vegetable soup, a tuna or chicken salad sandwich and a fruit smoothie 4pm:- small tub of natural yoghurt, a handful of nuts and a piece of fruit (and more water of course!) 7pm:- brown rice, loads of shredded vegetables and a piece of grilled fish (quick, delicious and available in every supermarket), couple of glasses of wine and loads of water 10pm:- couple of oatcakes with cottage cheese or sliced chicken and a cup of ‘calming’ tea (camomile is the business as long as you let it infuse for AGES!)

Get a good nights sleep...

If you tend to get to sleep relatively easily but wake up during the night (other than to go to the loo!) have a small snack before bed. Try a couple of oatcakes topped with mashed banana, turkey or tuna or a cup of hot milk or a small tub of natural yoghurt with a spoonful of honey.

If you find it really difficult to get to sleep, make sure you have your dinner/supper at least 2 hours before you go to bed, include some brown rice, a can of mixed beans or some lentils, a bit of fish (particularly oily fish like salmon, mackerel or herring), lean chicken, turkey or game and plenty of vegetables and ensure you limit alcohol, coffee, tea or fizzy drinks in the few hours before bed

Lack of exercise and excessive stress a real culprits when it comes to disturbed sleep so do yourself a real favour and crank up your fitness level (this website is stuffed with suggestions on how to do that – so there’s no excuse!) But don’t exercise too late in the day if you have sleeping problems and experiment with some relaxation exercises for twenty minutes in the evening to help you become drowsy.

If your New Year resolutions are starting to falter, take heart: there’s a good reason why and it’s something you can address…

Most people write down their New Year goals but don’t stop long enough to think deeply about how they felt when deciding their resolutions. Nor do they realise they need to release their negative feelings before they can make any permanent changes.

Releasing feelings is one of the hardest things of all to do – especially in today’s society with the pace of life so hectic and demands on your emotions so high.

Why Resolutions Fail

The reality is that most resolutions fail, because we are essentially creatures of habit and creating a new way of “being” requires a whole new physiology…yes…physiology. And to achieve that, you must start with the most powerful influence on your physiology - your feelings!

Feel Different to Be Different

If you want to “be” different, you must “feel” different - rather than trust the popular theory that all you need to do is “think positive”. Anyone who has attended an expensive “positive thinking” course knows that the effects of trying to “think positive” last for about two weeks at most and then those old thought patterns resurface and scupper further progress.

Feelings create thoughts: thoughts create attitudes

To permanently rid yourself of negative thought patterns and create a new way of being, you need to first identify the underlying feeling that caused you to create that negative thought in the first place. You must start by becoming consciously aware of how you feel. This process will open up your mind to reveal the thoughts “attached” to your negative feelings. As you experience the feelings and associated negative thoughts, you will begin to release them and you will be relieved of the common symptoms associated with holding on to negative feelings and thoughts; anxiety, depression and insomnia.

Speaking to a trusted friend or practitioner about your thoughts and feelings will help the whole process as will taking the vitalFLOWER Agrimony – a flower remedy prepared with the same system devised by Dr Edward Bach to capture its full pure vibrational healing energy. Millions of people use flower remedies to treat ill health and emotional discomfort. If New Year doubts and despondency are affecting you, Agrimony can help you clarify your feelings, open up and share your thoughts.

If you often present an artificially cheerful face to hide your inner problems, this is the essence for you.

A classic New Year helper, it will help you discover, accept and find the courage to share your worries. In so doing, you will begin transforming the negative force tied up in those pent up feelings to a positive energy that will change your life and improve your health.

You simply take a few drops straight onto your tongue or drop several into a glass of water and drink them this way.

Find out more about vitalFLOWERS and Agrimony at www.simplyvital.com. There is a special offer running until the end of February 2008 where you can buy the vitalFLOWERS for just £2 each instead of the normal £3 for 10ml.

Is the onslaught of January, cold weather and the treat of flu, colds and Norovirus filling you with a desire to stay in bed? Even if you haven't been tempted in to yet another diet by yet another TV show about fat people, you probably do want to know about some easy and enjoyable ways to look after your insides when there seems to be no shortage of things conspiring to make you feel grotty.

Fiona Kirk takes us through some of her tips for a health-filled winter...

Vegging out

You’ve got to get the vegetable thing under control (at least five portions) so take the Mediterranean route and munch on a salad or some raw vegetables while you are preparing your lunch or evening meal. Either - Sling a bag of mixed leaves and herbs into a bowl, add a bag or tray (or both) of baby veg (carrots, mange touts, cucumber, corn, peas, cauliflower etc.) and a handful of baby tomatoes, add a good glug of olive oil (and/or nut/seed oil*), a generous squeeze of lemon juice, some sea salt flakes and a couple of grinds of black pepper and dig in. 
Or – have a tray/bag of raw vegetables (as above) with some hummus and/or tzatziki and dip and crunch while you prepare 
And – have a pint of water or go 50:50 with some fresh vegetable or fresh fruit juice and water 
Why?  The benefits are huge:- 

·          vegetables provide the broadest range of nutrients and phytochemicals (especially fibre and carotenes) of any food class
·          they are rich sources of vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates and protein and the little fat they contain is in the form of essential fatty acids
·          more and more evidence is accumulating showing that vegetables can prevent, as well as treat, many diseases, especially chronic degenerative diseases such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes and arthritis
·          all that chewing helps release enzymes to help your digestion
·          if you are watching your waistline (or trying to reduce it!) you’re likely to eat less of the main dish
·          you body swerve the ‘salty snack attack’ (crisps, tortilla chips, nuts etc.) while you are preparing the meal
·          the water/juice mix will help keep you hydrated, help your body get the maximum benefit from the bucketful of nutrients provided by the vegetables AND keep the booze at bay till later! 

* experiment with the huge variety of oils that are now available on the shelves:- walnut, hazelnut, avocado, sesame, sunflower, pumpkin, rapeseed etc. – go for ‘cold pressed’ wherever possible.

Boost your brain cells

Curb your inner shopaholic!

Did you survey your January bank statement with a tinge of regret, or worse, stuff it in a drawer without even reading it? Do you resolve every year to 'sort your money out?' Well, Max Eames, author of The Wealth Mechanic, has some timely words of wisdom...and he's been there, done that...

Here’s the truth about why your New Year’s Resolutions so often end up kerbside!

What did most of us do on New Year’s Eve, besides drink cheap champagne as the clock struck midnight?  We made New Year’s resolutions, didn’t we?  The start of a new year always seems to be the opportunity for a fresh start.    We usually resolve to change a habit that we can’t seem to shake:  ‘I’ll stop watching so much television… I’ll stop eating so many microwave meals… I’ll stop buying things on the Internet… I’ll stop staying late at the office,’ and so on.One reason that most resolutions fail is because we haven’t examined the pay-offs we receive by maintaining these behaviours.  For example, many of us who struggle with our finances fall into a series of habits that seem to give us the same sort of, shall we say, ‘rush’ as behaviour we would normally label as ‘addictive.’ 

Addiction

As a psychotherapist, I have been introduced to a whole spectrum of ways to define the term ‘addiction’:  an inability to participate in the real world, some form of moral weakness, a lacking in willpower, a spiritual crisis – and even a disease of some sort.         Having said all that, most of us tend to think of addiction as the kind of ‘misuse’ that – in one form or another – does its thing by passing our lips.  But maybe the whole issue isn’t as simple as that.  No doubt about it:  there are certainly so-called gamblers, workaholics and overspenders who eventually find themselves suffering the same sense of despair we more readily associate with substance misuse.  The feeling certainly sounds similar to what I myself felt when I – a reformed ‘compulsive spender’ – was hopelessly overspending.  On a day-to-day basis, I suppose I was invariably trying in vain to bring into my life three sensations that everyone in the world seeks:

Purpose and meaning
Genuine happiness
 Peace of mind  

Having our fair share of each of these sensations isn’t a lot to ask for, is it?  Naturally there are times when we have one or more of them in our life to a greater or lesser degree, but we want all of them equally – and most of us want them full-on, 24/7.  The reality is that none of us gets an equal share of these feelings at any one moment – but (as is the case with a farmer’s three-legged milking stool) uneven legs can still provide a stable platform.

Three legged stool

In hindsight, my own problem with overspending seems to have been an attempt to manage those moments when one aspect or another of this “three-legged stool” seemed to break away.  If I didn’t feel equally supported by all three sensations at the very same time, things felt a bit wobbly underfoot.  So many of us fail to realise that when one of these ‘legs’ falls short for a while, without a doubt the others will balance and support us.  But if we cannot accept that each of life’s supportive sensations is actually meant to step in and out of our lives, we find ourselves at odds with the way the world is set up.  We then search for other forms of contentment in an attempt to sustain a permanently upbeat mood.

Happy pill spending habits?

I myself started to believe that the best way to ‘take a happy pill’ was through my silly spending habits.  And you could say that I embraced life’s highs.  Who doesn’t, in some form or another?  But when the highs were absent, I wrongly interpreted what was happening as some sort of drug-like ‘comedown’.  Ultimately, though, the same holds true for all of us:  it’s all smoke and mirrors; just an illusion that we are filling some kind of emotional void.And yet somehow I believed that ‘retail therapy’ gave my life a sense purpose and meaning, made me feel happy, and eased my mind.  Thus the self-confessed ‘shopaholics’ aren’t actually in search of clothes or shoes – though it certainly looks that way when an army of bags marches into the downstairs hall.  Such people are simply trying to re-create an upbeat sensation, and who can blame them for that? Think about it for a minute:  what’s actually IN all those shopping bags?  When under the illusion that shopping brings some form of emotional satisfaction, such people are actually trying in vain to fill their bags with something money can’t actually buy.   

Max Eames

Psychotherapist And Author Of The WEALTH MECHANIC programme, The 100% Proven 7-Step Financial Fix-It Formula For Absolutely Anyone In Debt

www.MaxEames.com 

Now for something a bit different after all the confidence exercises....how to create your perfect sanctuary, without having to pay out for expensive treatments or an overnight stay...

Discover your inner spa...

Can you imagine all the benefits of a spa visit without the paper knickers or having to be coated in a sticky brown substance that has none of the pleasures of chocolate?

What if you didn’t have to think about how to modestly cover up with a towel, or even have to shave your legs and worry about stragglers near your girlie bits first. Where is this magical spa of freedom and pleasure? Can it really exist? Can I buy a voucher?

You don’t need to - this is your Mind Spa and all you need to do is summon up your inner therapist so you can reap the benefits without a blush in sight.

Most people visit spas in the quest for inner peace and relaxation but in reality bliss is already yours and I’m going to show you how.

Relaxing

If you like, you can make your inner spa experience more enjoyable by dimming the lights, lighting a candle and playing some restful music.

Make yourself comfortable and cosy ensuring you’ll be undisturbed for a the duration of your spa visit.

Create in your mind a choice of rooms. Begin with a cool one that you can visit if your thermostat is a little high.
Add a peaceful, sensual and sensory one. The beauty of this spa is that it is exactly how you would choose it to be.

If you fancy deep red drapes with golden sashes in your sensual area so be it. Maybe you like the sound of trickling water while it caresses your skin in your cooling area. Or, how about a variety of colours and textures for your pleasure in the sensory room?

The Inner Massage

Here is a relaxation exercise for you to try. Of course you can change or develop it in any way you please.

Choose your room - you can change it about if you like. It’s all yours, there are no rules.

Take a few slow breaths while thinking about the sensations and feelings that you associate with inner peace and calm. If you have chosen to play music allow it to wash over and through you. If you are revelling in quiet be aware of the silence in your mind.

Spend a few moments noticing where you might have any tension in your body. We can experience tightness for a variety of reasons ranging from anxieties and fears to anger and irritations. Please don’t pay this much mind; it is about casual observation and gentle awareness.

Imagine you are massaging and soothing every part of yourself from the inside out to the rhythm of your breathing and this process will relax away any little niggles.

If you like you can imagine your perfect Adonis (or Adonis-ess) stroking your weary limbs and then lose yourself in a fantasy of bliss.

In your own time rest until you are sated. Each time you visit your spa the experience will be enhanced and, quite possibly there will new rooms.

Barbara

Barbara Ford-Hammond is an Author & Muse. Her book ‘Past Life Tourism - Gateway to Bridging your Past and Future’ is published by Mirage and available on Amazon. The book is described as a self-help how-to style book featuring past life regressions and future life progressions with scripts for you to carry out your own and if you choose research your findings.

Barbara is currently writing her second book, Psychic Salon. This is about how to develop your psychic abilities without the weird, whacky and woo woo.

Barbara has produced self-help cds and is soon to have her own show on My Spirit Radio.

Please visit http://www.barbaraford-hammond.com for more information including details of day courses and weekend retreats.

Imagine being able to step in front of a group or up onto a stage and feel even more confident than you did when you were sitting on the sidelines.   If this sounds impossible to you or even too good to be true, you¹re in for a pleasant surprise.  You are already an expert at the skills you will be using to develop the confidence habit. Paul McKenna helps you develop inner confidence...

Retrain your brain

The brain is a mass of millions of neural pathways, with each idea or memory moving along its own path. Whenever we do something new, we create a new neural pathway so we can re-access that experience again more easily.  Each time we repeat a particular behaviour, we strengthen the associated neural pathway, just as when you walk a path through a field it becomes a clearer path. Research has shown that these neural pathways in the brain actually get physically larger through repetition of behaviour.  That is how people become ’hard wired’ to certain automatic behaviours like smoking and over-eating. 

We can use that same mental architecture to design pathways to success and happiness, and to create associations that allow us to ‘switch on¹ certain feelings whenever we want them. I¹m going to guide you through accessing a strong positive state.  Each time you experience a peak of the good feeling, press the thumb and middle finger of either hand together to create an association between confidence and the physical gesture.  Over time, this gesture will become your confidence switch, enabling you to access your most confident states at will. Before you undertake this technique read through it first so you know each step  

The Confidence Switch Technique 

1. Remember a time when you felt really, really confident.  Fully return to it now - see what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel how good you felt. (If you can¹t remember a time, imagine how much better your life would be if you were totally confident - if you had all the power, strength and self-belief you could ever need!) 

2. As you keep going through this memory, make the colours brighter and richer, the sounds louder, and the feelings stronger. 

3. As you feel these good feelings, squeeze your thumb and middle finger of either hand together. 

4.  Now, squeeze your thumb and finger together and relive that good feeling.  

5.  Repeat steps 1 ­ 4 several times with different positive memories until just squeezing your thumb and finger together begins to bring back those good feelings. 

6. Still holding your thumb and finger together, think about a situation in which you want to feel more confident.   Imagine things going perfectly,going exactly the way you want them to go.  See what you¹ll see, hear what you¹ll hear, and feel how good it feels.

For more information on Paul McKenna's NLP course which can help boost confidence and motivation on 21st April visit
www.paulmckenna.com or call 0845 230 2022  

Do you envy people who seem to be naturally confident? If you think that being more confident would make your life easier...Tricia Woolfrey has some great advice aout how to get that confidence  

Confidence for the Life You Want 

One thing I’ve noticed above all else in my career as a hypnotherapist, trainer and coach, is that there are a lot of people (71% according to research I conducted in 2007) who want to be more confident.  Most people felt that this confidence would make them happier, less stressed, more successful in their careers and would even give them more friends.

I wonder what five words would describe your life right now?  Think about it for a moment.  Will you feel that you have lived a rich and fulfilling life if you continue as you are?  Or is it time for a change?

Many of us are frustrated that things aren’t working out exactly as we would hope and yet we are unsure why.  Often it is because we do not have clear goals or that our beliefs – that which we hold to be true – are limiting us.  Or that our values – what we see as important – are being compromised.  Or that we don’t have the self-belief to just go for it.

1. Understand what your values are and live your life by them
   
2. Be clear about what kind of life you really want.  Look at all the different areas of your life -  health, relationships, career, family, finances,spirituality, leisure and personal growth – and make a vision of what you would like it to be like.  You might want to use a vision board (see www.pw-hypnotherapy.co.uk for a digital version.)
   
3. Break these goals down into manageable steps and work those steps diligently
   
4. Do an inventory of all the resources you have available to help you – internal and external - and use them.

5. Identify any limiting beliefs that you have about achieving your best life and work on transforming those to empowering believes (try 21 Ways and 21 Days to the Life You Want book available on the website below.)

6. Learn from every life experience – there is always a positive lesson.  This will help you to move forward and build your internal resources.

7. As Normal Vincent Peale said “Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them.  You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have.”

8. Surround yourself with positive things: thoughts, people, music, inspirational quotes and read materials and books which are inspiring and uplifting. 

9. Use your free will and your power to move you forward as you monitor your progress.  You have many resources and life experiences which will help you on your way.

10. Be kind to yourself and others.  Remember that life is not an event but a journey – we are all learning every day.  Some learn faster than others and forgiveness is healing and freeing.

The life you want can you yours.  And it starts with a decision, a vision and then by actions.  Everything you think, everything you are, everything you say and do can move you forward. 

A 15% discount is offered to anyone who would like to attend Confidence for the Life You Want workshop on 8^th  and 9^th February.  See website below.

Tricia Woolfrey is a hypnotherapist, trainer and coach based in Surrey and Harley Street and author of 21 Days and 21 Ways to the Life You Want, plus a range of hypnotherapy CDs and conducts regular workshops. 

For more information see Tricias Website

If you’ve made some New Year’s resolutions, you might find that you’re now at the point where they seem less and less attractive – and perhaps you’re even on the point of ditching them...

John Burns from Gift4Life says that he has the solution to that ‘broken resolution syndrome’

Don’t give up!

Nearly half of us pledge to lose weight or exercise more, while other favourites include giving up smoking and cutting down or even giving up booze - but statistics show that more than a quarter of us will break our promises to ourselves within the first week and by the summer fewer than half of us will be holding firm.

“The problem is that life gets in the way,” says hypnotherapist John Burns of Gift4Life.com, the personal change website.

“We start off with a strong conviction that it’s going to work and struggle for a month or two before giving up - that’s where Gift4Life can help!”

John went on to say “It’s my belief that people have far more personal resources in their mind than they realise; it’s just that they don’t know how to effectively tap into them. The hypnosis downloads enable you to take back control of your own mind”.

The site, which was launched earlier this year, is home to hypnosis and self-help MP3’s, created by John and other therapists and complimentary health specialists, which can help people achieve the change they’re seeking.

Among the subjects addressed are stress management, slimming, nail biting, procrastination, sleep problems and self confidence – all can be downloaded from the site and are available as MP3 files or on CD’s. Uniquely, visitors can hear samples of the audio sessions on-line.

“The site empowers individuals to take control of their lives,” says John. “Every year we have people coming to us asking for help to keep their resolutions, but they do it after six months or so of not achieving what they wanted. We’d like to help them in advance so they are stronger when they resolve to make those changes.”

My seven New Year Resolution tips to share with you:

1) Decide on just a few really important goals; it's hard to focus on lots of things at the same time so pick just one or two and go for those.

2) Make sure that this goal really is something YOU want and not something you feel pressured to do by someone else.

3) Estimate a realistic time scale to achieve your goals; if losing weight for example, 2lbs a week is a nice steady number to use.

4) Now double the length of time you worked out so carefully in step 3! Why? Because just like repairing a house there are always unexpected items that cost you more. In life there are events that push you away from the right path, so take them into consideration at the outset.

5) Fix your mind on how your life will be when you have achieved your goal. What will it look like? How will you feel? Will it have a sound or a smell? Use all the power of your imagination to make it real for you, when you have it fixed in your mind, squeeze together the finger and thumb of your dominant hand. We are making a physical trigger to go with that goal.

6) Spend a few minutes each day using that finger and thumb trigger to recreate the goal scene, reinforce the image and choose to do three things each day that take you closer to that goal.

7) When you get there...celebrate! Keep doing whatever is needed to maintain that goal.

Free Hypnosis Download

To help you make life a little easier, Gift4Life is offering everyone a completely free hypnosis relaxation MP3 from the website at http://www.gift4life.com - you simply sign up with your name and email address. You’ll get an email by return with your link for the MP3 that you can download immediately.

You’ll also get a free self-development newsletter straight into your inbox.

The MP3 will play directly on your PC or you can load it onto your MP3 player or iPod.

About John

As well as being the driving force behind Gift4Life, John Burns is also the Hypnotherapist at Somerset Hypnotherapy. In this practice he works one-on-one with clients helping them make empowering and life affirming changes in their outlook.

John began studying Hypnosis and NLP as a way to understand the way we communicate with each other. His Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) training came from attending training sessions with Paul McKenna, Michael Breen and Richard Bandler. The idea that both positive and negative suggestions were all around us fascinated John and led to further study with gifted trainers from both the USA and the UK.

John continues to refine and develop his skills through regular training in the latest techniques and through helping his personal clients break free of outdated or negative self beliefs that stop them living the life they desire. He also imparts these skills to others through tutoring and mentoring programs.

Today is supposed to be the gloomiest day of the year. Hang on, it's only 21st January, so does that mean it's all uphill from here? Alix Needham, an expert in lifestyle management who runs a successful practice at The Joshi Clinic in London, explains why there's no need to hibernate - get out there and live a bit!

Shake off the January blues 

Technically December the 21^st is the first day of winter. However, today has been designated the most miserable day of the year.  Falling a full month after the Christmas festivities,  when the excesses of the holiday season have faded, resolutions have been broken and motivation is at  an all time low,  you can find yourself  feeling as  grey and gloomy as the winter weather.

 However, don’t be tempted into hibernation  waiting for spring  to unfold  but challenge those feelings of lethargy by thinking of the year ahead as a new and exciting place you are setting out to visit. And, like all great journeys, having a good map and guide book to will help you  plan and get the most of out of the trip. So, to shake off those posts Christmas blues and park  those worries about your waistline and impending credit card bill , use these five simple kick starts to help you on your way.

.  

• Clear a path.  Sort out your wardrobe, take those unwanted presents to the charity shop, tackle that paper work and sort those kitchen drawers. You will be surprised how much better you will feel when you can actually see the wood beyond the trees and create a clearer sense of space around yourself. It’s also an exercise class you don’t have to pay for!

• Dress for the trip. The weather may be grey but you don’t have to be. Dress in warm colours and keep as much colour in your life and around you as you can. Now that the decorations have gone, replace them with flowers and keep the Christmas fruit bowl topped up

• Tune up the engine. If the gym is not a preferred pit stop but you want to lose weight, gets the momentum going by wrapping up and taking  brisk walks no matter what the weather. Download your favorite book or album  to listen to as you walk,  better still use this time to think through what  you want to achieve for the year ahead.  The fresh air will get those endorphins working and your brain buzzing!

• Get into gear Make a plan of what you want to achieve in the coming year, write it down and keep it somewhere prominent, on your desk or the front of the fridge. Adapt and expand is as you move forward.  Make a commitment to certain dates - that school reunion in February or a French class in April,

• Hit the road. The sunshine may seem a long way off but get those holiday plans into gear now.  Why wait until the summer, stop over with a mini break now?  A weekend away with friends or a loved one, somewhere you have never been to before,  even if it’s 50 mile down the road.  A B& B with a roaring log fire and your best friends can be as warming and energising as a day on the beach.

Happiness isn't all about money, fast cars and a body to die for. Happiness comes from inside, it's something we choose to experience..or not. Ian Lynch Project Manager and Life Coach for the Happiness Project explains...

If ever there was one simple thing you could do for yourself that would bring you more happiness and success into your life than perhaps you have felt possible, it is this:

Set aside half an hour, yes half an hour (that’s one TV sitcom or a soap episode), find somewhere where you can be still and with pen and paper preferably (as Julie Cameron author of The Artists Way) begin a dialogue on what happiness really is for you.

You see, happiness is a choice, it does not wait on circumstance it waits on welcome. Happiness come from within and is fed by the ideas, thoughts and beliefs we hold more than it is by what happens to us from outside. In other words, nothing in the world can make you happy but everything in the world can encourage you to be happy.

Happiness is an inside job. From this starting point we can breathe, take a moment and be still. Happiness is an inner smile; yet some thought patterns would have us follow side streets that take us into seedy, unfriendly places, where happiness has to be chased, earned, gained, won, bought or owned. Your happiness is up to you. So where to begin?

Gratitude: Gratitude brings us gifts. Gifts that we already have. It allows us to celebrate again and again, our existence, our experiences, our being, our friends, or family, all the things that we enjoy and the people who make them or create them, the natural world, the cosmic miracle, ice-cream, swans, chocolate and funny films. There is so much in this world to excite us and be thankful for, kids see it, kids’ get excited. Then as we grow, it becomes all too familiar. Start a gratitude journal, a begin to see how much there is each day to be grateful for, because…

It is the present where we can truly experience happiness. Milk the sacred now!

Present; a gift, here ( I am present) and now. All definitions of this cutting edge moment of your existence where life happens and guess what, you can choose how you want to be each and every moment. When you got up today, did you rise and shine or rise and whine? Did you start your to do list immediately or did you have coffee first? What did you do? Take a shower, fed the kids and the husband, took the dogs for a walk, put the radio on, listened to new age music. What did you do? If you want to bring more happiness into your life, start a brand new habit.

Choose how you want to be today. Do you want to be funny, do you want to be a forgiver so you can move on, do you want to be a friend, a wise person, a lover, a charmer, a gift to the world? How could you be today? How happy do you want to be today? 1 to 10, how happy do you want to be? A 4, a 5 perhaps, or maybe an 8? There is no right answer, it is an enquiry. If a 6, what is preventing you from being a 7? Is it real or imagined or are you limiting your happiness before the day has even got started?

Happiness is a way of travelling. It is sexy and attractive. We like happy people and we shun the miserable ones. Not so good if we are the latter.

So if you want more happiness in your life, why not start today? Your happiness is your gift to the world and the world cries out for happy people like you.

www.happiness.co.uk See our News and Diary Pages for Courses, Talks, Newsletters etc

If one of your goals in 2008 is to have more money, how are you going to get there? Internet fraud is risky and not to be recommended - and a lottery win can be elusive. But it could all be down to your environment attracting wealth. Try these tips...what have you got to lose?

Attracting abundance

The universe is a hot-bed of energy. We can actually tap into this energy and use it to create and generate wealth and to become successful in life. 

You DON’T have to believe in magic or superstition to use ancient techniques for positive self development.

Two ancient eastern techniques you can use to generate positive vibes are yoga and feng shui.  

Traditionally these disciplines were jealously guarded and protected. Today however, they are more accessible. By practising yoga you can improve your levels of concentration, memory retention and stamina and so improve the quality of energy with you.  By applying feng shui principles you can improve the quality of energy within your environment. 

FENG SHUI

The Chinese have been using feng shui for centuries. It has been used to encourage successful love relationships, increase wealth, and reduce stress and domestic problems. In feng shui practice, we work with the flow of qi (pronounced ‘chi’) – energy) and in yoga we work with ‘prana’.

Feng shui has moved a long way from its humble origins and is now big business. Commercial corporate environments, including some of the biggest names in the City, have used feng shui to change their working landscapes with spectacular results. For instance, where meeting and boardrooms with oblong, rectangular tables were once the norm, they are being replaced with round ones to avoid conflict and confrontation. Feng Shui is not magic; you have to use your common sense in applying it.

The Moon and back

You may also wish to explore the subject of Vedic astrology. There are certain auspicious times during the year, month, day when it is beneficial to start new projects or deal with certain business and wealth related matters. For instance the waxing moon phase is not a good time to start new projects.

You can enhance the peacefulness and calmness in your environment by using a few simple techniques. To create an auspicious, harmonious environment, qi must be allowed to flow freely. Stagnated qi can lead to illness and bad fortune. Moreover, it affects the emotions negatively.

So, have you begun to wonder what little things you can do to change the course of qi in your personal environment? Here are a few tips to get you started, and to prevent sha qi from attacking your home or workspace.

• Box up any electrical equipment, including electrical wiring
• Remove sharp pointed objects from your environment; these are unnatural and cut into free-flowing qi. These might include angular, upward-pointing ornaments.
• Put out withered and dying plants. These sap energy and obstruct its natural, harmonious flow.
• Clean and dust regularly. Any build-up of dust can attract negative energy and affects your health.
• Substitute rectangular, square and hard-edged tables with round ones, otherwise the shape will cut into the free-flowing qi. Also a round table is more conducive for business meetings.
• If you have bookshelves, smooth off their pointed, angular ends, or drape cloth over to stop them generating ‘poison arrows’ (sha qi).
• Remove pictures that show violent, unsettling scenes. These not only send negative vibrations out into your environment, but can also be unsettling for other people.
• Remove paintings and hanging mirrors off the wall if next to your bed, or on a wall behind your desk, as these can be unnerving and foster an element of surprise.
• If your desk faces away from office door, and your back is to it so you can’t see the door, try and change the orientation of your seating otherwise it engenders insecurity.
• Use water features in your room; they help qi to flow smoothly and encourage a tranquil and peaceful environment.
• Avoid straight lines in your environment, including the shape of rooms, walls, windows, or shutters, as all angles can help to prevent the free flow of qi. You can break up the straight lines by introducing hanging crystals and ornaments or using soft upholstery and curtains.
• Don’t place your bed opposite a door. This will affect your health as the qi flows in and is obstructed. Place your bed next to the wall to give an added feeling of security.
• Use lamps to create ambience and enhance your mood. In the winter season make sure you receive plenty of light. Deprivation of light can significantly affect your moods negatively.
  Break up the elements. For instance, if you have a wooden table add to the beauty of that element by placing a silver candelabrum on top.
• Use fresh pot-pouri in bowls in bedrooms and other rooms to create a fragranced environment.  You can buy many different shapes of bowls and colors to help cheer you up and to help you think with clarity.
• Use natural cotton on beds, preferably in whites and creams. You can drape bedspreads over for added beauty and comfort. If you prefer use another type of material but try and keep it natural.
• Use wardrobes with mirrors to create space but don’t sleep in front of them, it creates negativity, hence the connection to bad luck.
• If you opt for blinds, use wooden ones, as they are more in keeping with nature. Any other type can cut into your environment.

Give up giving up in 2008!

By Sophie Boss, founder of Beyond Chocolate

It’s that time of year when so many women are making resolutions to lose weight and get fit. They are motivated and determined to ‘eat healthily’, stick to a diet and keep up an exercise routine. “2008 will be different” they promise, “this year I’m really going to crack it!” They won’t give up or admit defeat. By this summer (but hopefully sooner) they’ll be slim and toned and ready to dazzle on the beach. They buy the latest miracle diet book, sign up to a slimming club, make appointments with the nutritionist, join the gym or create their own personal strategy.

Gradually the resolve weakens, the determination is worn down by a slip up here and a bad day there and by mid February they are feeling bored and fed up. Disillusioned they cancel appointments with the nutritionists, go to the gym less and less often and feel like failures. Either that or they’re keeping themselves firmly ‘on track’ which takes a great deal of effort, deprivation and sometimes a fair bit of cash too. Over the weeks the new ‘life style’ loses its appeal and excitement and it becomes just plain hard work requiring an endless supply of motivation and willpower which sadly non of us posses!

It IS possible to step off that exhausting treadmill, to be FREE and relaxed around food, feel good about your body, lose weight and stay slim year after year. It’s not even all that hard or expensive!

All you need is a generous helping of curiosity and willingness and a pinch of courage. The Beyond Chocolate Strategies are a good place to start changing the way you approach weight loss. Experiment, have fun and let us know what worked for you!

Ditch the Diets

Dieting simply doesn’t work. If it did, we would follow one, lose weight, be happy...end of story. The sad truth is that 95% of dieters will end up putting any weight they lose straight back, plus a bit more.

Tune in to your body

The more we are in touch with our bodies, the easier it is to identify situations that trigger us to overeat. Awareness is 50% change! Before you eat, take a few deep breaths and see if you can identify any physical sensations, emotions and thoughts that are going trough your head. What are they telling you about your need to eat?

Eat when you’re hungry and STOP when your satisfied

The best way to avoid gaining weight is to eat when you are physically hungry and stop when you are satisfied. But how do you know when you are hungry? And what does it feel like? It sounds simple enough but so many of us don’t have a clue! If you are hungry to start with, your body will let you know just how much is enough. Experiment with different foods and portion sizes and find out exactly how much you need to feel satisfied.

Eat whatever you want

The diet mentality has taught us that some foods are good and some are bad, this is often based on how ‘fattening’ they are. What is truly fattening is to deprive yourself of the food you really want. Deprivation leads to cravings and bingeing – it has been scientifically proven. So make sure you eat exactly what you fancy! By knowing that EVERYTHING is allowed you actually have a chance to choose healthy foods if you want to, without feeling deprived!

Put it on a plate, sit down and eat slowly

If you eat on the go or while doing a thousand other things you miss the experience. You are then likely to eat more and you will miss the signals which let you know when you’ve had enough. If eating is THE activity you are much less likely to binge, graze, nibble, pick etc… How easy is it to munch though a packet of crisps in front of the TV without even noticing?

Enjoy

Food can be a delicious, nurturing, sensual experience. Why deprive ourselves of this pleasure! Make each meal a feast and bring back the pleasure of food into your life.

Own your body

Motivation for change does not come from reminding ourselves daily that we are unattractive and unlovable. By criticising and judging our bodies we bash our self esteem, which often leads to more eating… We can learn to feel good about ourselves and our bodies even when we think that they are far from perfect. Start to connect with the body you have NOW by spending 5 minutes every day looking at yourself in the mirror and appreciating what you LIKE.

Move!

Think of it as movement rather than exercise. That word is often far too loaded! Moving our bodies is vital for our health and too often we see exercise exclusively as a means to weight loss. If we can see beyond the need to have an exercise regime, with the aim of losing weight and toning muscle, we stand some chance of finding ways of looking after our health and maintaining an appropriate level of fitness that is not only good for us but also satisfying. Move in any way that will bring a flush to your cheeks and a grin on your face.

Support yourself

As women we are so good at supporting everyone around us and we forget that we too need support. We are constantly under pressure, overwhelmed and over-stimulated by demands at home and at work. We expect ourselves to be superwomen and everyone else does too. Often, the only way we know to give ourselves a break or a pat on the back is to eat something nice. Finding ways of supporting yourself, whether it’s asking others for help or making space in your busy your life for some time out. Ten minutes a day can make all the difference.

Be your own Guru

The dieticians, nutritionists, diet books, celebrities and doctors all proclaim that they know what we need. We have been told for so long that others know exactly what, when and how much we should eat when in fact we are the only ones who have the answers to these questions. The truth is that we know best. Start questioning and come up with your own answers. You are your own guru!

REMEMBER Aim to make small changes that feel good and work for you. Take one at a time instead of trying to change everything all at once. Discard what doesn't work. If it is doable, enjoyable and leaves you feeling good then make a commitment to yourself to do it again.

‘Beyond Chocolate: How to stop yo-yo dieting and lose weight for good’ is available in all bookshops and on Amazon.co.uk

For more tips and food for thought, sign up for Beyond Chocolate’s FREE newsletter at www.beyondchocolate.co.uk

Make your own hapiness... 

Can you bring about your own happiness? “Absolutely you can”, says stress and anxiety expert Charles Linden.

“Sometimes when we get wrapped up in the day to day stresses of our lives we forget to really take stock of what we have, how lucky we are, how much others matter to us and we matter to others.  I recommend if stress is getting to you that you put in place three small yet powerful changes and I guarantee that if you follow them you will feel happier!” 

Collect happiness

“Plan your life around a constant flow of small pleasures, even just taking ten minutes to have a cup of tea and a biscuit mid afternoon, you can unlock a very positive attitude and brighten your day so that you aren’t spending all of it just wanting to get to the end” 

See beauty around you

“We are blindfolded by life.  Our routines mean that although we see beauty, we filter it out and get overwhelmed by the focus we hold on drudgery.  Bring your focus back and see the beauty that is all around you – this could be as simple as taking a walk in a beautiful park and taking time to notice the beauty around us all.” Act yourself confident

“We are what we do.  In other words, behaviour makes us who we are – if you act timid and weak then you will become timid and weak instinctually.  If you act strong and confident, even if you don’t feel it at first, you will become strong and confident. 

Imagine you are an actor playing the part of confident YOU and soon it will become second nature!” 

If you find stress is affecting your life, then learn how to recognise the triggers and implement simple and fast tactics to eliminate it from your life with Charles’ latest book “Stress Free in 30 Days” (£17.99 available on Amazon.co.uk and in high street book stores)

Sue Carter gives some more advice on how to enhance your fabulousness!

 You’re fabulous and here’s how to show it….. 

There you are, standing at my front door with your suitcase full of clothes wondering what lies ahead.  At which point will I make you strip off and look at yourself in the mirror? 

When do I start prodding you and making cutting comments about your hips, knickers and bra? Should you brace yourself for the wholesale condemnation of the contents of your suitcase? You’ve been watching too much TV - I don’t work like that.

I don’t clothe bodies; My job is to help you to decide how to dress, what styles suit you and which to avoid like the plague.  I encourage you to try new ideas and to be you, not a fashion slave or a victim.

How do I do this?  I ask some questions, I look at the shape of your bum and your scale.  I don’t want to see you without your clothes I don’t need to.  This isn’t entertainment, this is real life.

The first thing you need to decide is how you like to dress, what personality style suits you.  I work with six basic styles:;

• classic,
• romantic,
• eurochic,
• creative,
• natural  
• dramatic. 

How do you decide what your style is – or what you’d like it to be? 

Classics are just that, they like a classic well put together style.  If you iron creases in your jeans you are very likely a classic. 

Romantics like flowing styles, long curly hair, dreamy. 

Eurochic is Italian women at their best, a great look for the office. 

Creatives pick the handbag and get dressed to that, or they mix unlikely colour or fabric combinations. 

Naturals like simple, easy care clothes. 

Dramatics like clothes that command attention, they walk into a room and they are there at once. 

If you love your denims and t-shirts then that’s what you should wear. You might need to dress up a bit for work but the golden rule for you is to keep it simple. 

If, like me, you need lipstick to put the bins out - that’s fine too.  The important part is that you’re yourself, and you’re comfortable in your own skin.  You know what you like try to dress that way for a while.  Ignore the media, your friends and your Mum just try being you for a change.

Shape and size

Why do I look at the shape of your bum?  What clues can it give me and you?  It’s simply that it helps me to decide if you have a straight body, a curvy body or an in between one. 

So put on some hold me in tights, shut the bedroom door and turn sideways to the full length mirror (you do have a full length mirror don’t you?).  Run your hand over your bum and feel the shape. 

Does it fall away, seem flat or non existent? You have a straight shape. 

Does it feel pert and stick out, curving back into your body?  Then you are curvy, you probably have a noticeable waist too. 

A mixture of the two, flat on top and curvy below or starts off curvy and falls away - you have a semi curvy shape. 

Look at your bum too and you will see the shape.  This works really well if you share the experience with some friends, then you’ll have the whole range of bums to feel and compare. It’s probably best to make that very good friends! The shape you end up with gives a good indication of the styles of clothes you should wear. 

Curvy bits need curvy clothes and straight bits need straight clothes.  A typical straight jacket on a curvy lady won’t hang right; it’ll make her look frumpy and older.  A curvy jacket will fit in all the right places and allow her to move easily.  A curvy jacket on a straight lady will gape and not fit correctly on the waist.  She’ll look like she is wearing someone else’s clothes!

Respect your body, be aware of its shape and you will look so much better in your clothes.  Ignore the books that have umpteen different body shapes and rules for each.  When you stand in the changing room with a skirt will you remember them?  Of course you won’t, but your bum is always with you.

The right scale

What is scale all about?  Scale isn’t weight; it has nothing to do with your dress size.  It’s the really obvious idea that petite women need smaller accessories and patterns so that they don’t look swamped, taller women need larger accessories as small ones look plain silly.  Think of a handbag, think of the trend for huge suitcase sized totes. They only suited statuesque women. Petite little things looked as if they should have climbed into the bag.

Shorter ladies needed wheels on them as they dragged along the floor.  A small delicate necklace looks great if you are five feet nothing, it looks lost if you are six.  However, if you have a large personality you can go bigger, it expresses who you are.  A natural wouldn’t want a necklace anyway and a creative has so many she needs a room just for them.

Over the shoulder boulder holders

The other thing I would mention is your bra.  Too many women wear bras that don’t fit them.  A properly fitted bra can do wonders for your self esteem and the way your clothes hang.  Next time you shop go and get checked out.  I favour the small, independent retailers for my bras.  They stock many different makes and you can try on as many as it takes ‘til you get one that is right for your breasts. 

My record so far is twelve before we found the perfect bra.  Hand wash your bras, remember that they loosen over time so you will need to tighten the straps and use different hooks and replace them every six months.  Your body will thank you for this and your washing machine will too.

So to sum up: love your body, love its shape and scale, dress to show off the shape don’t hide it.  Dress to reflect your personality.  Take inspiration from fashion magazine photos but remember those pictures have all been tweaked.  Don’t be a slave or a victim be a winner.

PS I forgot.  For all you English pears out there, invest in some soft shoulder pads and watch your hips and shoulders balance like magic.

Today's gem of wisdom comes via Kim Johnson - who regularly tunes into her spirit guide, Ishmail. She shares his advice with us here about embracing the spiritual journey we are all on...
From Ishmail...

Dearest readers.  It is with great pleasure that I come to you through my little angel and speak with you about the ways in which we live.  I am feeling that there is a great sense of despondency on your earth plane which saddens us all but we are here to prove that there is life after death, as you know it. 

There is not just this life for that would be so pointless.  You are all here to learn and grow spiritually for it is all part of your eternal destiny.  It is a hard plane to live on (earth) and one which is most difficult but you must remember that this is not IT.   I am living proof of that, as is my instrument through whom I speak. 

Love is a great power and one which cannot be diminished for that is all we live for.  Love makes the world go round - not money or possessions.  For without love, there is nothing.   

I am very honoured to be able to speak to you all with such wisdom – to give you great encouragement that life does go on after this earthly plane.  Much life.  And much joy. Worry not for what happens in this world for worrying is such a pointless feeling.  What will be, will be, so it is important that you all learn to acknowledge this and just “go with the flow” as you say on your side.   

Life can be grey but you must know that there is much sunshine over here, much joy and much hilarity.  But we are all servants on the spirit world. All progressing on our own journeys which is the most exciting journey you will ever take.  There is no death as you know it, just a passing onto another plane – a more exciting plane that is filled with love, light and colour.  Much colour. Colours you can only dream of which fill your heart with song and joy.   Please do not be afraid for what will come, for it is beautiful. 

Take solace in this fact and know that life does truly go on.  For you all.  I urge you all to take hold of your spiritual journeys and find your own guides and helpers to work with you for it is what we are all here for.  To help each other.  We are here to help guide you through your life, giving you support and guidance in a way that you could not understand.  But your instincts guide you and that’s what we are – you’re instincts.   I know this may seem hard to believe for you all but believe me when I tell you that this is true.

Life is such an exciting journey.  Knowing that this is only part of your journey should give you hope and spur you on to make the choices you need to make in this life.  Choices that will help you in the next.   I wish to share with you one more thought. 

Life is good.  Life is great.  Embrace it with all your heart and know that there are loved ones on the other side who are always looking out for you.  You only have to go and find them.  We give much comfort to man.  We hope we can bring comfort to you too so peace be with you readers. 

I am sending you much love and light and success on our own spiritual journey.   

Your loving Ishmail.

Do you always see the negatives - not just in yourself but in others, too? Here's why changing your focus can change your life for the better.

Tal Ben-Shahar is an author and lecturer at Harvard University. He currently teaches the largest course at Harvard on "Positive Psychology" and the third largest on "The Psychology of Leadership"--with a total of over 1,400 students.

Tal consults and lectures around the world to executives in multi-national corporation, the general public, and at-risk populations. Topics include happiness, self-esteem, resilience, goal setting, mindfulness, and leadership.

Yes, but...

I attended a dinner party last week. The conversation meandered from affairs of the heart to current political affairs, from food and cooking to dreams and aspirations. At a certain point, we went around the table and talked about books we had recently read and enjoyed. When my turn came, I talked passionately about Built to Last which I believe to be one of the most important books in the area of organisational behaviour. The book discusses visionary companies—organisations that have shaped the world, that have made and continue to make a difference. When I brought up Walt Disney as an exemplar of a visionary leader who made a significant contribution to society, I was immediately interrupted by the hostess: "Yes, but I heard that he was mean to his employees." The "yes, but" gavel strikes again.

Bill Gates

When people talk about Bill Gates they rarely mention his technological contribution or his brilliant business skills. And when someone dares exalt Gates, the gavel strikes:"Yes, but he thwarted competition." J. Piermont Morgan helped the country out of depression on a number of occasions and set high standards for doing business, but he engaged in some shady deals. Great political figures are not spared the "yes, but" treatment. Jefferson, for example, might have written the Declaration of Independence, but he also slept with his slave girl. Lincoln freed the slaves, but in a speech in Charleston before the civil war, he advocated the superiority of the white race.

Ghandi led India to freedom, but he was cruel to his wife. And the list goes on. The degree to which heroic figures are put down varies. Bill Gates receives a much harsher treatment than Jack Welch does, though both are criticised. And then, there are some cultural icons who are still untouchable, like Mandela and Kennedy, but they too face the danger of being dethroned once their un-heroic acts are revealed and reviled.

Nobody’s perfect!Jefferson’s sleeping with his slave girl was wrong, but that does not annul the fact that he wrote the most brilliant and influential political document that has benefited, and continues to benefit, millions of people. Lincoln’s private indifference to slavery (if true) is, to say the least, disappointing, but he is a glorious man who led millions of people from slavery to freedom. Morgan was not a saint, perhaps, but he nevertheless brought confidence and trust to the economy and made the US the most prosperous country in the world.

And yet, people discard these heroic figures with an off-hand remark, unwilling to accept that a hero, outside story books and fairy tales is, first and foremost, a human being. The question is not whether the perfect hero exists or not, but whether we choose to focus on the core characteristics of the person, on his achievements and contributions, or actively seek (and inevitably find) a fault.

Positive focusWhat we choose to focus on—the positive or negative—determines what we see in others, and in ourselves. A person who focuses on the negative sees the bad as the potent, active force in the world and the good as the passive force, as the absence of bad. A person with a positive view holds the exact opposite perspective: he perceives the good as the generative force in reality and the bad as the absence of good.

It is no coincidence that most metaphysics—from different philosophies and religions—describe the good as light and the bad as darkness. Light is an active force; darkness, the absence of light, is impotent. A dark patch does not bring darkness to a lit-up room, as a single candle lights up a dark space. When Edmund Burke says that "All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" he recognizes the proper relationship between the positive and negative forces in reality: evil is the absence of good.

Negative focusThe implications of a negative focus—the belief that good can exist if, and only if, bad is completely absent—is that only a person without any dark patches, without any blemishes, can be good. So if Walt Disney was mean to some of his employees, he can no longer be heralded as a worthy hero.

The implications of a positive focus—that the bad is passive and the good is active—does not imply that any person, no matter how much evil he has done, is forgiven after his first good deed. There is darkness that is so dense and pervasive that many candles are necessary to bring light to it. Moreover, not all good should be treated equal. Some rooms are illuminated by a single candle; others, by direct sunlight.

Beyond determining how we evaluate others, our focus affects the way we lead our own lives. What we focus on determines whether we lead an active or a passive life. Do we spend our lives running away from unhappiness (negative) or pursuing happiness (positive)? Do we passively avoid depression or actively seek joy? Do we spend most of our time generating light or spend our days avoiding darkness? Do we lead an active, albeit risky life (promoting the good) or play it safe and do nothing (avoiding the bad)? A negative focus leads to fear as the primary driving force—fear of making mistakes, fear of imperfection, fear of castigation. After all, no one—not even our cultural icons—were able to remain pure in our own eyes or the eyes of others, so who are we to try and why should we even bother?
 
Fear of failure

Those who focus on the negative are so afraid of doing something wrong, that they refrain from action, conform to the status quo, and end up doing nothing. In contrast, those who focus on the positive understand that to act is, at times, to err, but that it’s not the avoidance of making mistakes that creates the good life, but rather the active pursuit of the good. Focusing on the good does not mean ignoring the bad, but rather the understanding that the most effective way to eradicate the bad is to do good.

Dark patchesIn history—whether our own, our heroes’, or the world’s—we will always find dark patches, damned spots that taint purity. How we choose to deal with these blemishes will determine our personal and collective futures. Do we lock ourselves up in a barrel out of fear that we might taint our hands even more, or do we follow the risky path of Prometheus—who gave fire to mortals and risked being burned? Do we remain passive socialites who disapprove, or do we become social activists who improve?

To do no harm by not doing does not make one a moral saint, but a coward. Our true saints, our true heroes, are those who give themselves the permission to be human—who understand that to do good is to risk failure, that to act is to risk getting dirty. And we, who sit around the dinner table, should say grace and thank those brave, imperfect mortals.

It's hard to ignore the constant media drip feed of the 'perfect' look, and make ourselves look and feel better by getting other people's approval. Here, Sue Thomason explains why you'll be a lot happier when you learn to please yourself!

You are great just as you are!
 
It’s accepted as normal these days that you are supposed to work towards impressing people. Status is in and we’re all trapped in the act of acquiring the approval of others. For many of us this is our sole reason for living, and every part of our lives is geared towards winning friends and influencing people. Image consciousness and constant effort to improve how we’re coming across and how we seem to other people has become not only accepted as a normal way to live but it seems to be the only way to live. 

Approval seeking isn’t just about appearance but you have to admit that a large part of our attempts at impressing others is dedicated to altering our looks in order to ‘fit in’. Magazine articles and TV programmes give us advice on how to look good so that people will find us attractive. While there’s nothing wrong with this in itself and looking good is a fun part of life, what we’re actually led to believe is that attractiveness will give us the life we dream of. It is the key to our happiness.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

You only have to talk to a woman to see the levels of anxiety that trying to fit into the ideal look creates. Conversation will almost always drift towards how awful she thinks she looks and how much cellulite she has or how big her nose or her bottom is. This is often joked about and is the source of much modern comedy and it’s become so prevalent that this has even become a female stereotype. But is it really funny?

The reality is that women wake up in the morning and go to bed at night criticising themselves, feeling imperfect and flawed, hating their bodies, their hair or their faces and unable to escape the twisted anxious feeling of inferiority and alienation that comes from not being ‘perfect’.

Image anxiety can be a destructive force that can not only take over your life but distinctly lower your quality of life. And the worst thing is because this has become so normal, you won’t even notice it! You think life is supposed to be like that!

Like me, please!

And it’s not just appearance – it’s even worse than image consciousness! Yes, you might dress to impress, but you also try to make people laugh, your conversations with others become opportunities to ‘show’ your best self and you work on it, sometimes not even listening to then because you’re too busy thinking of the funny, interesting things that you can say to them that will make them agog and wide-eyed at how great you are. All your relationships become dominated by what other people think of you and how you come across.

How does all this affect us?

By giving us the opposite of what we really want. When we seek approval we want love but the very act of seeking approval stops us from getting it.

Imagine you are talking to a very good friend. You’ve taken great care about your appearance before you met up with her and your feelings while dressing and putting on your make up may have had a competitive edge. You’d hate for her to see you looking a mess. You are enjoying making her laugh and having a good time. She talks to you but you’re not really listening or if you are it’s only because something she’s said has triggered a memory of something you want to say so you wait impatiently for her to finish so that you can show her how funny and clever you are. She laughs and you are rewarded.

But is this really a good friendship? Think about it. You like her because she makes you feel good about yourself. When you’re with her you’re really looking into a mirror and not at her at all. In fact, you hardly know her. It is quite possible that she loves you deeply but you’ll never know that and never feel it because all you’re thinking about is how she makes you feel about yourself. She might love you despite this (and she probably does) but imagine what your relationship would be like if you stopped needing her approval and smashed that big mirror between you and approached her with real curiosity about who she is and what she feels?

Lonely in a crowd?

Approval seeking blocks real love and creates distance between you and other people. You’ve heard of being lonely in a crowd and lots of people feel lonely even though they are part of big groups of friends or families. Approval seeking is responsible for the loneliness that you feel. It blocks friendship and it blocks love. It can destroy relationships and end marriages and create rifts between parents and children, brothers and sisters, friends and neighbours.

When you seek approval the only person you’re trying to protect is your own view of yourself and that means everything is personal and you have to keep your defences up in case anyone should threaten your self image.

When you stop seeking approval you can look outwards at life and you’ll notice that there’s so much more to life than how you look and what people think of you. When you look outwards instead of focusing on yourself, you begin to live for real.

Lizzie Falconer is a medium and psychic, who believes we can all be happy ... if we allow ourselves to be!

Think yourself happy!

It’s 2008, and it’s time for wonderful changes in your life. I have lost count of the number people who have said that last year was a shocker! For me there wasn’t a month in 2007, when someone or somebody, that didn’t send me spiralling into yet another black hole. So, enough is enough, this year is a “1” year, which means new beginnings, and so we must embrace it now.

You deserve to be happy and the only way to find that happiness is by accepting that you are the only person who can change that. So, here are some simple steps to get you on the path to contentment and let’s throw in some magic in for good measure. 

Step One - Learning and Letting Go  

Dwelling on the past too much, is unhealthy and unhelpful. Yet, every person and situation that arrives on our door step is there for a reason, and we have to learn from them. Otherwise, the universe will send another similar situation along until we get the message.  Make a list of these people and situations that have caused you havoc and ask yourself a simple question. What have they done to you, through their behaviour and elements, to make YOU a better, wiser person? Did you learn patience? Did you learn self- respect? 

Perhaps, you just have your radar finely tuned now to spot the emotional vampires a mile off? Once you have figured it out give your self a pat on the back and tell the universe, out loud or through meditation* that you have learnt the lessons and that you will NOT put yourself in that position again. But, do thank the boys upstairs for helping you evolve.  

Step Two - Action! 

OK, now it’s time to focus on what you want in 2008, a new partner, a new job or a promotion, a new home, good health, etc. Time to make something visual to help you focus, this helps trigger your mind into changing your thought process.  Find a large piece of paper or card and get cutting, drawing and sticking! Find pictures that symbolise what you want. If you can’t find the right image then draw or write it on your Mind Board.  Spiritual law indicates, that we can ask for whatever we want, but a word or two of warning! Be careful for what you wish for, thought equals form and we can manifest anything through our thoughts.

If you want a fast sports car and start the manifestation process, chances are you will get it. But, I can’t guarantee it won’t injure you or worse.  If you share my faith that the universe knows already what we need, then just concentrate on being happy, healthy and enlightened.  

Step Three - Positive Thinking 

Otherwise known as affirmations, if we can grasp the notion that what ever we think becomes exactly what we think, we must change our thoughts. If you struggle with this concept, don’t despair! Start by changing the mood around you. Avoid anything depressing, listen to happy music, watch “feel good” movies, spend time with positive, happy people – and if you find yourself in the company of anything depressing or negative, surround yourself in white light. Now put that mind board up and look at it as often as you can,  start affirming “these things are in my life now”.

An affirmation should always be in the present tense with absolutely no negative words. For example, don’t say “I want a perfect soul mate” because you will get exactly that! You will be given the feeling of “wanting” a perfect soul mate for ever.  

Step Four - Have Faith 

If you are finding it hard to believe this is going to work, try working on something small to begin with, a phone call from a friend, a parking space, a happy moment.

Once you see it working, hopefully it will give you the confidence to broaden your horizons.  I know it works, and have had my fingers burnt when I doubted it! Hey, what have you got to lose? But, please be patient - remember all things happen in perfect timing. If you have asked for something specific, and there is no sign of it happening, take a step back and ask for something less specific, there will be a reason why you aren’t getting that particular house or job.  

Meditation 

If you are a novice when it comes to meditation, fear not, we have two natural meditative states a day. The first is as you begin to wake up in the morning and the second as you are drifting off to sleep at night. Give yourself permission to slumber a little longer and just visualise yourself with the things that you want, at the same time chanting you affirmations. Five to ten minutes is all you need. Finally, remember you are a special person who deserves to be happy. Good luck and Happy New Year!

Lizzie Falconer

Lizzie is an internationally renowned psychic, medium and 'soul therapist'. She devotes her time to a range of spiritual activities both in the UK and America.

Her unique perspective on life and the universe has been subject of much recent attention amongst international style writers including articles in Marie Claire, Vogue and Zinc.

Lizzie recently finished filming Seeing The Dead which is soon to be aired on ITV.

Lizzie runs inspirational 'Soul Weekends' featured extensively in UK press. She has a range of private clients from Hollywood to Hampstead - and attends to them in amongst her many other ventures including company workshops, lecture tours and books.

Lizzie is also a mother of three.

http://www.lizziefalconer.com/

If you just know that you are doing the wrong job, or maybe there's a nagging feeling at the back of your mind telling you that it just doesn't 'feel right' - don't ignore it! Sarah Barnard acted on her feelings and turned a good idea into a great business...that's helping make a difference at the same time.

Why I do what I do

In 2000 I had my first child, a boy. I went back to work full time, put him in a nursery and struggled to balance our lives financially and emotionally. In 2003 I had a daughter. I went on maternity leave fully intending to return. I put my daughter in nursery and planned to return full time.

Then my self discovery truly began. While on maternity leave I started to think about how we rely on mass produced resources, how many children don’t know that milk comes from cows. I started to think how each individual person could make a difference in the world, how we can each change a little and make a difference in our impact on the environment.

I set up Ethics Trading (http://ethicstrading.com) and never went back to work.

Note: If you’re thinking about this then please check your company policy on pay and rights.

Ethical fashion too

Ethics Trading has a twofold approach. As the name suggests I am trading in an ethical fashion as well as trading in ethical goods. I believe strongly that the Fair Trade business model is the way forward for all business and I really can’t see the point in secrecy and corporate nastiness.

So, Ethics Trading is open, honest and transparent and I love it. It’s honest and it generates so much positive energy in being honest and transparent that it attracts positivity too. I get such a buzz out of running my own business, being able to be here for my children and I’m doing as much as I can for the environment too. Being able to dig my garden more and write as well is an added bonus.

Only the best

I only stock products that are natural in their ingredients, slightly unusual, ethically produced and minimise their impact on the earth and its peoples in manufacture, transport and use. I do the best I can although sometimes there is no real proof. It’s part of the honesty though, sometimes you have to trust. I also only stock products that I use and love and would happily give to friends and family as gifts. So, what are the products then?

Soap nuts

Mainly it’s soap nuts. What? Soap nuts? These are smallish leathery brown berries, each about the size of the end of your thumb. They’re brilliant! You take about 25g of just the shells, pop them in a small cotton washing bag, tie it up tight and throw it in the washing machine with your laundry, then turn on the machine. Yes, it’s that easy!

You can add essential oils if you want but you don’t have to. The beauty of these little things is that they can be used to clean anything and they grow on trees. Yes, soap that grows on trees. How neat is that?

Soap nuts aren’t expensive, are gentle on your clothes and skin and are completely eco friendly. They start life growing on a tree, don’t need loads of manufacturing and then when they’re used up they can go on your compost heap. Want to know more? Then check out http://www.ethicstrading.com/soapnuts.html

So, your clothes get clean, along with anything else that needs soapy water and the planet isn’t damaged. Neither is your health. Your eczema and dry skin clears up. What a great feeling!

New ideas

I’m always looking for new ideas, new products and new ways of doing things. I love and thrive on the challenges of self employment and I find the positive feelings generated by this business so incredibly exciting. It’s great that I can share them with you through the products I sell. I love and use all the products in stock and wouldn’t sell anything if I didn’t feel that way.

For me it’s all about enjoying what I do, making the most of every moment and finding the positive in every day.

Do you put off doing things because you can't see yourself doing them, don't think you will be successful, or just plain can't be bothered? Joy Nash, creator of the famous YouTube 'Fat Rant' used to be the same...and here's why and how she changed...

The Frightening Future

I used to be terrified of making plans for the future. Seriously terrified. I'd burst into tears whenever someone would ask me what I'd like to be doing in five years.

I remember sitting at a table full of new friends, shaking and bawling when they expressed
genuine interest in what I wanted to do in the next year. Why on earth would someone care what I might or might not have interest in? Why would someone invest *their* energy in *my* happiness? It makes me cringe now to think of that rickety self-esteem.

Heather

For years, though, I was just taking life as it came. Actively avoiding thinking about the future, or thinking about myself- who I was, what I wanted. Whenever the topic came up, I'd start thinking about the last time I'd had hopes and dreams: it was embarrassing to think that it was back in high school.

I spent tons of time back then planning out my life. The vast majority of my plans involved my best friend. We were going to backpack across Europe, star in shows together on Broadway, be each other's bridesmaids. Life was at our fingertips, everything was possible. We were Lucy and Ethel. Thelma and Louise! Nothing could stop Joy and Heather.

But Heather died.At 19 years old she was diagnosed with brain cancer and two years after that, she was dead. What good was planning? Why bother building some giant sand castle when it's just going to get kicked over in a few minutes? What good was thinking about anything except this very minute? It's all that really exists, isn't it?

I still think that's true. That the present is the very most important moment. But I also think there's something important in naming what you want. Breaking it down backwards and giving yourself baby steps to accomplish.

Goals

One afternoon I snuck into the Huntington Gardens with a yellow legal pad. At the time, I was working for a woman who's goal in life was to become a self-help guru. Goal goal goal goal goal. It was all she'd talk about.

Judy was constantly writing down goals for different segments of her life: Spiritual, Family, Home, Career, Relationship, Love Relationship, Physical Relationship, House pet Relationship, Relationship with Cookies, she had so many categories, I couldn't see straight. Judy was this whirlwind of manic, forced energy that freaked me out big time.

If there was one person I didn't want to end up like, it was this woman. But still, I didn't want to be bawling my eyes out for the rest of my life whenever someone asked if I thought I wanted to have kids.

Therapy
So I got some therapy. I got some therapy and learned a lot and let myself grieve and picked and chose what I wanted from Judy's life philosophy. Obviously, this is the super truncated version of the story, but that's when I snuck into the Gardens and gave myself a little talking to.

I made a list of all the pie in the sky , super cool things I'd ever heard of people doing. From skydiving, to owning a convertible, to designing clothes for fat girls, to writing for Bitch magazine, to having five straight male friends. I wrote everything down and picked out 15 things I'd like to have accomplished by the end of that year.

And then thought specifically about what I'd need to do in January to have it accomplished by December- like:

1) Buy a copy of Bitch magazine and read it cover to cover.
2) Think about a topic I'd like to write on.

Or:

1) Go to carmax.com
2) See how much a cheapo, early 90's model VW Cabrio would cost. etc. etc.)

Set dates to have the simplest things done by, and then enter them into your calendar. And then do them.
None of this is revolutionary. No advice really is. It's a matter of doing it. And being prepared to take the detours when you can find them. Don't get in your own way, take help when people offer it, and trust your guts. That's another thing they're good for.

Are you tired with your wardrobe, and has Christmas spending put paid to any plans to revamp it? Image consultant Sue Carter has some tips to make the most of every wardrobe...

Work that wardrobe!

The first thing to do if you want to look absolutely stunning in the new year is get rid of absolutely everything that does not fit you!

I don’t care how much it cost, if it doesn’t fit, it has to go. If it has sentimental value – pop it into a special keepsake box, to be looked at as an object not as part of your wardrobe. Whether it’s too small or too big, get it out of there. When you open your wardrobe you should only see fab clothes that fit you.

Boost your assets

The next thing you need to do is make sure that you dress to focus on your assets. If you know you have lovely legs show them off, or flaunt a bountiful cleavage. Everybody’s best asset is a sparkling face. So you want the focus to be on your face at all times, emphasise your eyes and encourage anyone else’s gaze up to your face and away from your body.

Colour it up

Monochromatic dressing works well, dressing in the same colour head to foot. This leads the eye up and down quickly. It doesn’t have to be the exact same shade and you can vary the texture to add interest.

Don’t take this to mean dressing head to foot in black - unless you look fantastic in black of course, or the occasion demands it! A lot of English women have beautiful pale skin that doesn’t carry an expanse of black, so if that’s you, you could consider purple, navy chocolate brown , or add a bit of fun with matching shoes, a scarf or necklace.

One trick is to match your eye colour to your top. This means peering into your eyes and checking the colour. I always thought my eyes were blue until I did this. I have dark grey rims with a green centre. The colour match between eye colour and top invites people to focus on your eyes...which you can dazzle with! You can also try matching your lipstick to your top, but this is trickier. I usually stick with eyes...

What works best for you will depend on your ‘clothing personality’. I am very creative and wear bright colours and huge necklaces. A classic person probably wouldn’t be seen dead in some of the clothes that I wear!

Tight –v-Baggy

My expertise is with plus size women, but lots of women like to wear baggy clothes because they think it hides their bodies and there is a difference between baggy and flowing.
 

If you feel in any way uncomfortable about your body, no matter what your shape and size, then flowing layers will work well. They mask what is underneath and suggest at hidden delights.
 

Tight clothes on any body size look wrong, and baggy clothes don’t hide anything, you know – they just make it look as though you have something to hide. Buy clothes that fit you well.

So, my top tips are:

• Clear out the wardrobe
• Monochromatic dressing
• Only wear clothes that fit you
• Match your eyes with your top
• Fewer clothes
• Capsule wardrobe

And look in the mirror before you leave. A full length mirror. I know this is hard but you need to see the overall look. I always tell my clients that they should get dressed in the morning not put on clothes. The difference is amazing.

Universal colours

These colours suit just about everyone.

• Off white
• Ivory
• Mid grey
• Stone
• Taupe
• Pewter
• Teal
• Purple
• Emerald turquoise
• Lavender

They are great colours to use for bridesmaids or for a wedding party. Everyone will look good and the photos will not come back to haunt you in years to come.

Capsule wardrobe:

• Three jackets (includes cardigans, wraps etc)
• Four bottoms (skirts or trousers)
• Four tops (blouses, t-shirts, sweaters)

using a maximum of two neutrals and two colours will give you 47 different outfits.
One for every day of the month and then some. Worth considering isn’t it?

Weed Out Your Wardrobe

You need far fewer clothes than you think. Careful planning and 15 garments can make over 50 outfits.

The clothes that don’t fit right now don’t have to be given away just yet if you don’t want to. You can hide them away in black bin liners somewhere out of sight.

• Remove any clothes that no longer fit you
• Remove any clothes that are past their sell by date (loon pants anyone?)
• Remove and deal with any clothes that need repairing or cleaning

With what’s left...

• Sort the clothes into type; all jackets, all tops, all trousers and hang them up. A coat hanger for each so that you can see each garment when you open the door.

• Check which garments you have that are already in your colours and try to wear these whenever possible.
• Play around trying on different combinations, see how the correct colours look on you.
• Decide what you would like to buy in a new, exciting colour.

Do you think you might be too attached to your wardrobe? Well, I’m not and I can come and weed your wardrobe for you. If not, why not enlist a friend to help, an honest friend is best. It isn’t a sin to chuck stuff in the bin, send it to a charity shop, or give it to your sister. Swap, trade but do away with clothes that do not do you justice.

My Background

I used to be a school teacher and that took me to Hong Kong. All those markets, all that jewellery. That's when my interest in image began. I came back to the UK and tried to teach but decided that my talents lay elsewhere. I trained in colour and then style, added colour therapy to help me make suggestions to clients and Alchemy took off. I also trained in Reiki to help me provide a relaxing, informal feel to my sessions with clients. All this is a long way from Bunsen Burners and test tubes but I am making a real difference now to ladies lives and that is very satisfying.

My business? Empowering women to be the best that they can be by helping them to look good on the outside and feel good about them themselves on the inside.

To Contact Sue:

E-mail: susy@purplealchemy.co.uk

Visit her web site:
www.purplealchemy.co.uk

 Love me love my quirks - be yourself to love yourself! - Barbara Ford-Hammond

If you buy every self help book that you see on Amazon and always look to others for ways of solving your problems, it's time to take a deep breath...and learn how to listen to your own instinct!

Increase Intuition - trusting your gut

Intuition

1. direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension?
2. a fact, truth, etc., perceived in this way
3. a keen and quick insight
4. the quality or ability of having such direct perception or quick insight. Increasing you increase your awareness of your intuition ensures you will be balanced and successful

Source dictionary.com

If you tune into your intuition it will give you advantages in all areas of your life. We have a natural inbuilt radar system and trusting your inner awareness is a habit that you can practise so it becomes automatic.

We all respond differently to stimulus. A good example of this is bungee jumping: one person?s pleasure ? another?s hell.

If you are in a situation or meeting someone new it might be that you have a voice in your head advising you on good and bad or perhaps butterflies that somersault in your tummy. Others might describe as  'just knowing.'

The first thing to do is get to know yourself.

Think about the following and notice what occurs (if anything) in your mind and body. Spend a few moments thinking about each point.

1. You have just awoken on the day you are meeting someone important to you for the first time
2. On the way to the meeting you notice a car driving very erratically
3. When you arrive you are told that the other person has cancelled
4. Just as you turn to leave they call you back saying it was a mistake and the meeting will go ahead
5. The person enters and it is the driver of the car you saw earlier.

• What happened when you thought of those scenarios? Did your feelings alter?
• How do you know if you are excited, nervous, worried, cross, confused?
• Which sense works the best, do you use all or a combination?
• What does the sweet smell of success mean to you?
• Have you felt a lump in your throat through word swallowing or as a result of grief?

When you recognise your own responses you will notice the rhythm of your inner patterning. Whatever you are doing take a couple of grounding breaths and tune in to the situation and then your thoughts or feelings.

Your subconscious mind is carrying out an amazing array of actions all the time. It knows everything that is going on around you and detects the slightest happenings and changes.

Examples of this are wakening moments before a baby shouts for a feed, getting up to answer the phone before it rings or thinking of someone you haven?t seen or spoken to in ages only for them to call or email.

All of these actions are a combination of circumstances coupled with your abilities to trust your reactions before you even have time to think.

By noticing your responses you will be aware of subtle shifts in your awareness and know when you are on the right path for your success.

Barbara Ford Hammond

Barbara Ford-Hammond is an Author & Muse. Her book ?Past Life Tourism - Gateway to Bridging your Past and Future?  is published by Mirage and available on Amazon. The book is described as a self-help how-to style book featuring past life regressions and future life progressions with scripts for you to carry out your own and if you choose research your findings.

Barbara is currently writing her second book, Psychic Salon. This is about how to develop your psychic abilities without the weird, whacky and woo woo.

Barbara has produced self-help cds and is soon to have her own show on My Spirit Radio.
Please visit http://www.barbaraford-hammond.com for more information including details of day courses and weekend retreats.

Feel good every day!

Since qualifying Lindsay has enthusiastically increased her knowledge and practise of Pilates through continued education, study and research around the world. Lindsay’s passion for, and enjoyment of, Pilates is clearly evident in her teaching style, enabling her to bring the benefits and thrill of Pilates to her clients.

Everyday Pilates Moves...

With today’s busy lifestyles it can be difficult to exercise as often as we would like. Long periods of sitting at a computer, standing at work or driving lead to muscle imbalance, resulting in joint and back pain. Pilates is an excellent form of exercise to address these imbalances, by stretching and strengthening the muscles.

Many of the exercises here can be done anywhere without specialist equipment.

You can incorporate these simple exercises into your daily life to tone your body and relieve your aches and pains. They can easily be done every day, almost anywhere.

If you have longer why not log onto My Exercise Studio for an online Pilates class.

Standing with the correct posture can relieve a surprising number of complaints from lower back pain to sore hips or shoulders. Bring your body into this position whenever you are standing for a few minutes, the supermarket checkout, putting petrol in the car etc, and it will soon become your normal posture.

Stand with your feet hip width apart and parallel with your weight even. Knees straight, but not locked. Pull your tummy in and hold this position by tightening the lowest muscles in the buttocks. Take your shoulders a little back and relax them, sliding blades down the back. Lengthen up through the crown of the head, keeping the chin slightly tucked in. Image a small ball held under there. The position should feel relaxed, but lengthened.

This exercise will stretch the chest and shoulder, improve upper body posture and relieve shoulder pain.
Lie on your back with knees bent. Rest your fingertips on the front of the shoulder joints with your elbows pointing to the ceiling. Inhale and open the elbows wide to the side, and exhale to point them to the ceiling again. Repeat 8 times and then reverse direction and the breath pattern.

Create strong abdominals to improve posture and reduce the risk of lower back pain with this curl up.
Use an exercise mat or large, folded towel to lie on. Lie on your back with your knees bent, arms at the side, making sure your tailbone is resting on the mat. Exhale to pull your tummy in and curl your head and shoulders off the floor, lifting your arms to hip height. Hold that position for an in breath and roll back to the floor. As you lift keep your chin slightly tucked in, as if holding a small imaginary ball, and lift until your shoulder blades are just off the floor. Be careful not to lift your tailbone from the mat. If your neck feels strained place one hand behind the head. Repeat 8/10 times.

Today’s sedentary lifestyles can lead to a weak lower back and the consequent pain. Try this shoulder bridge to strengthen the gluts, hamstrings and lower back. Use an exercise mat or large, folded towel to lie on.

Lie on your back with knees bent up, arms at the side. Exhale to pull your tummy in and without tilting your pelvis, lift your hips up and squeeze your buttock muscles together. Hold for a count of 5. Slowly lower again, releasing the buttocks. Keep your torso long and open. To strengthen the upper arms press the arms into the mat as you lift and lower the hips. Repeat 8/10 times.

Strengthen the legs and stretch tight calves with this leg exercise.
Stand in stocking feet and hold onto the back of a chair with both hands. Bring yourself to correct posture. Breathe in and as you breathe out pull you tummy in, squeeze your buttocks and relax the shoulders. Breathe in and bend your knees, making sure they line up over the toes. Breathe out and straighten the legs lifting onto your toes. Breathe in to return to the start position. Repeat 10 times.

If you have trouble standing on one leg to put your socks on try this exercise.
Standing in correct posture, breathe in and as you breathe out take your weight on one leg, in the centre of the foot, pressing the big toe into the floor. Keeping your hips level lift the other knee, resting you hand on your thigh. Feel your leg stretch. Swap legs. Repeat 8/10 times with each leg.

Relieve a stiff back and increase flexibility with this cat stretch.
Get onto all fours, with your shoulders and hips in a straight line. Breathe in and as you exhale pull your tummy button in and curve your back to the ceiling. Allow your head to fall forwards. Breathe in and as you exhale gently drop your back into an arch, keeping the tummy pulled in. Keep your arms straight, your shoulders relaxed and your neck long. Repeat 10 times. Finish by sitting back on the heels and rest your forehead on the floor, arms stretched out in front. Hold for up to 3 minutes, breathing deeply.

Relieve headaches and neck stiffness with this massage using a beach or similar ball. Lie on the floor and place the ball under your head and neck. Let your head sink into the ball and gently turn it from side to side a few times. Now make a figure of eight with your nose. Imagine you are drawing on the ceiling with your nose. Repeat 10 times, alternating.

Do you set yourself goals, and wish for the new job, new house and new love...but secretly don't thnk they will ever be yours? You could be sabotaging your own success with straightforward negative thinking. If you turn it around, you could find that 2008 is the year that your dreams, quite literally, start to come true!

To achieve this reality you have to create the belief you can achieve it. Cosmic Ordering and the Law of Attraction use subtly different methods to achieve this conviction. In Cosmic Ordering you place an order using what ever method you feel comfortable with. This could be by writing it on a piece of paper, in a book, or by filling in the order form at www.cosmicorderingform.com. Once you’ve created the order, forget about it as completely as possible, and know that that order has been accepted and will be delivered. The purpose behind this is to create and reinforce a positive affirmation which your unconscious mind will recognise and act upon to send out the positive thoughts to attract your desire. By forgetting the order on a conscious level, you are not tempted to dwell on the possibility of your order failing. Doing so could generate doubts that create negative thoughts capable of derailing your belief.

Cosmic Ordering and the Law of Attraction are complimentary to each other, so use whichever method you find to be more effective or intuitive. Remember; Find out what it is that you really want and create a true belief, at your very core, that you will achieve it, and it will happen.

Fed up with well meaning articles telling you what you can and can't wear, and the pictures of D-List celebrities looking a mess? Fashion designer Anna Scholz designs for women who dress well whatever their size, and here she shares her confidence tips...

Be yourself!

So much time and energy is wasted every January on thinking up and trying to stick to completely unobtainable New Year’s resolutions where the only possible benefits are losing a few pounds through the stress of failing once again.

Well ladies - 2008 should be the year where you make just ONE new years resolution…..to be happy making the most of who you are with the people around you.

We all get it so wrong; we set goals every New Year which we consider will make us happy if we achieve them, when in fact if we just concentrated on being happy and making the most of everything we already have then the rest tends to follow.

Gone are the days of setting ourselves up for disappointment …my tips for a fabulous new you for the New Year are all about making the very most of you as you are right now…

Vitality

The most important thing I feel for everyone of every size is to show care, health and vitality in the way you look. Why not have a manicure or try out a new hair style, im sure anyone reading this will know what I mean when I talk about “that feeling” you get when you walk out of the salon all preened and ready to take on the world because your looking utterly fab.

Instead of starting a diet that you're not going to ever be able to stick to, maybe try and have one snack free day a week and commit to increasing the fruit and veg you eat, this can make such a difference to the way you look and feel. You will have brighter eyes, clear skin and silky hair with minimal effort.

A new outfit…need I say more, you don’t need your own personal stylist to look great, I design clothes for shape, not size, and I know that there is something in my collection for everyone. Some things will always suit some shapes better than others, so make an effort to really think about your shape when you’re dressing. Ask a friend to write a description of your shape, your likely to find those fat calves you hate are really the curvy legs your friend is secretly jealous of.

Experiment!

Don’t be scared to experiment, try new colours and styles, you might surprise yourself, if its something you would never dream of trying, just go for it, what’s the worst that can happen? 

Take a friend with you when you’re shopping someone who’s opinion you trust and value, and instead of refusing to come out the changing rooms in something you feel doesn’t work let them see you, sometimes the way you imagine you look in a garment even if your standing in front of the mirror is very different to the reality.

You can even try the same things on so you can both look at how the clothes work differently on different people and help each other to make the right choices.

If you wear clothes that give you confidence and make you feel great others will see it too.
You could follow your shopping trip with a massage or even get a group of your girlfriends together and spend a day in a spa away from the cold January weather.

On the other hand embrace the winter elements, wrap up warm and take a walk, a great way to clear the head and take in a little exercise, and of course stopping in a nice local pub for a glass of mulled wine and something yummy to eat is a must.

Treat Yourself...

The one thing to remember is that its ok to spoil yourself, and even if you feel selfish those around wont see it that way, in fact they will probably thank you, as they will get to spend their time with a confident, happy woman who doesn’t turn down dinner and drinks because it goes against new years resolution number 16, a woman that commands respect with her polished natural look, and most of all a woman that can make others happy because she is happy within herself.

It's not you that fails at diets - it's diets that are failing you!

"I am an Advanced Hypnotherapist. I hold a diploma in Advanced Hypnotherapy and an Advanced Professional Practitioner Diploma. I also have a diploma in Advanced Scientific Hypnotherapy and am a member of the General Hypnotherapy Register. I love helping people with weight issues and I have drawn on my lifetime experience of the problem to produce a very successful programme available online as well seeing people on a one to one basis.

My approach is completely unique, and works on changing the way you think, so that you find yourself eating well and exercising. I truly believe diets make you fat."

Diets have failed you!

It’s the New Year and you hate the way you look – right? You are determined that this year will be the year that you will get your weight under control.

Never again will you endure that Christmas do worrying about how you look. You were in tears before you went out because you hated your size, the dress, and yourself. How many times have you felt like this?

How many times have you joined slimming groups and found yourself eating everything you can lay your hands on after you’ve been weighed? After all it is a whole week till you’ll be weighed again – isn’t it? Then you find that you are eating all the wrong things right up to weigh day – so you don’t go, but you’ll start again tomorrow and go to the group next week, won’t you?

But you don’t, you desperately want to lose weight and you feel a terrible frustration that you can’t get on top of it. Why can’t you do it, what’s wrong with you, it’s so unhealthy, such a bad example to your children, you hate the way you look and the clothes you have to wear. You have come to loathe shopping; you dread the summer because it will mean you can’t wear that jacket.

You are running from yourself and there’s nowhere to hide.

• Diets have failed you because they have focussed your mind on food so that you now are constantly thinking about what you can eat next.
• Diets have failed you because they have made you hate yourself because you can’t stick to them, so now you eat to make yourself feel better.
• Diets have failed you because they have lowered your metabolism with the deprivation of diets. Quite simply - Diets Make You Fat!!

So how can you get out of this cycle? You know that to lose weight you need to eat less, or eat the right things and exercise more, but you just can’t do it. You need to change how you are approaching it and STOP DIETING!!

Instead of beating yourself up for pretty much anything, start by seeing yourself in a positive light. You have always done your best in life – ok, so you’ve made mistakes and horror upon horror you have allowed yourself to become overweight! But you are a good and worthwhile person, capable and able – and yes, able to lose weight successfully.

First you need to get rid of all the rubbish you are carrying round with you. Accept who you are and start to love yourself. Just sit comfortably for a moment and close your eyes.

Breathe in lovely calm relaxation; breathe out all that tensions and stress. Imagine a beautiful relaxation coming down through you head, flooding through your body – all the way down to the tips of your toes.

Now when you are feeling relaxed imagine you are next to a huge, beautiful calm lake. There is a canoe next to you; I want you to put all those failed diets into that canoe.

Now put all the mistakes you have made throughout your life into the canoe. Now put all the wrongs people have done to you into the canoe.

Untie the canoe, and watch as it floats away. It’s getting smaller and smaller as it goes towards the horizon, floating away. Watch as it disappears over the horizon. Gone forever – you can never get it back because it’s in your past, and you are no longer the person you were in the past.

Now breathe in a feeling of being motivated, breathe in a feeling of success. Have a full length mirror image of yourself as you really are in front of you.

See yourself looking relaxed and happy, see yourself looking slim and attractive, see yourself looking in control. Open your eyes and notice how good you feel.

I would like to bet that because you feel good you are less likely to want to eat for comfort. My programme works because I take the pressure off and start to focus on the positive. It is achieving amazing results.

Anne Thomson

www.dietsmakeyoufat.co.uk
anne@dietsmakeyoufat.co.uk

Welcome to the first day of the New Years Revolution. If you, like me, are feeling a tad jaded today, wondering where Christmas went, and quietly chastising yourself for overindulging in good food, good wine and Kettle Chips...get over it and just think of all the fun you had doing it...life really is too short for regrets, especially about anything as silly as enjoying yourself.

Be happy right now!

January is the usual time to set resolutions and goals - hoping that once you achieve them - they will make you happy. There is nothing wrong with goal-setting but what we need to be clear about is what we think these goals will give us. And then ask ourselves is there an easier way to get what we really want?  

For example, most people say that they want more money. So the next question is to ask – what do you think that money will really buy you?  Often we think we can buy happiness with a posh handbag or a fancy holiday. Of course, these do make us happy in the short-term but as we discover, this feeling soon wears off.  

It’s all because of our biology, say the happiness scientists (yes, there is now a whole new field of science to study what makes us happy). Apparently, some primeval instinct in our brain uses negative feelings such as fear to prompt us to take action to ensure survival, driving us to constantly search for possessions and accomplishments to make us bigger, better and faster. But once we get them, we are searching the horizon for something else bigger, better and faster.  

The scientists call this the hedonic treadmill. 

So maybe we should re-look at the way we set goals by asking the question: how do you really want to feel and what is the quickest, simplest way to feel like that?  

Let’s get to it.  

Firstly, let’s do some straight 2008 goals. Create a life pie. Draw a circle and then divide it into six slices of pie: career, friends, relationship, health, money, me-time. What would be your top 2008 goal for each of those categories? Try to be specific – how much money do you want to save? How much weight do you want to lose? How many times a week do you want to go out with the people you love?  

Now ask – what would that give you? How would that make you feel? Loved, respected, free, attractive, confident, successful? Write down up to six adjectives of how you really want to feel.  

Now take that a level deeper. Look at the adjectives in front of you. If you felt all of these things – is there one or two words that could sum that feeling up? Content? In your prime? At peace? Fabulous?  I call these your ‘power words’. 

Now for the magic bit. What if you didn’t have to achieve any goals to feel like this but you could feel like this right now? Want to try it? Visualise feeling your power words (imagine a time in the past you felt like this, imagine a time in the future where you feel utterly at peace/in your prime/fabulous/content).  Where do you feel this in your body? See if you can start spreading it round your body, down then up through the top of your head so it spills out like a fountain. Stay here feeling your power words for 90 seconds.  

So for 90 seconds you’re reached your 2008 goal already! Now what you are going to do with the rest of your year?!  

My advice is to enjoy the journey. Enjoy every day and see if you can base 2008 around living your power words. Create a daily schedule and new lovely habits that is all about focussing on what you really want – your happiest year yet. Enjoy! Find inner peace in 2008 with The Big Peace 90 day online coaching programme – it’s free!

Sign up now!  

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