Do you put off doing things because you can't see yourself doing them, don't think you will be successful, or just plain can't be bothered? Joy Nash, creator of the famous YouTube 'Fat Rant' used to be the same...and here's why and how she changed...
The Frightening Future
I used to be terrified of making plans for the future. Seriously terrified. I'd burst into tears whenever someone would ask me what I'd like to be doing in five years.
I remember sitting at a table full of new friends, shaking and bawling when they expressed
genuine interest in what I wanted to do in the next year. Why on earth would someone care what I might or might not have interest in? Why would someone invest *their* energy in *my* happiness? It makes me cringe now to think of that rickety self-esteem.
Heather
For years, though, I was just taking life as it came. Actively avoiding thinking about the future, or thinking about myself- who I was, what I wanted. Whenever the topic came up, I'd start thinking about the last time I'd had hopes and dreams: it was embarrassing to think that it was back in high school.
I spent tons of time back then planning out my life. The vast majority of my plans involved my best friend. We were going to backpack across Europe, star in shows together on Broadway, be each other's bridesmaids. Life was at our fingertips, everything was possible. We were Lucy and Ethel. Thelma and Louise! Nothing could stop Joy and Heather.
But Heather died.At 19 years old she was diagnosed with brain cancer and two years after that, she was dead. What good was planning? Why bother building some giant sand castle when it's just going to get kicked over in a few minutes? What good was thinking about anything except this very minute? It's all that really exists, isn't it?
I still think that's true. That the present is the very most important moment. But I also think there's something important in naming what you want. Breaking it down backwards and giving yourself baby steps to accomplish.
Goals
One afternoon I snuck into the Huntington Gardens with a yellow legal pad. At the time, I was working for a woman who's goal in life was to become a self-help guru. Goal goal goal goal goal. It was all she'd talk about.
Judy was constantly writing down goals for different segments of her life: Spiritual, Family, Home, Career, Relationship, Love Relationship, Physical Relationship, House pet Relationship, Relationship with Cookies, she had so many categories, I couldn't see straight. Judy was this whirlwind of manic, forced energy that freaked me out big time.
If there was one person I didn't want to end up like, it was this woman. But still, I didn't want to be bawling my eyes out for the rest of my life whenever someone asked if I thought I wanted to have kids.
Therapy
So I got some therapy. I got some therapy and learned a lot and let myself grieve and picked and chose what I wanted from Judy's life philosophy. Obviously, this is the super truncated version of the story, but that's when I snuck into the Gardens and gave myself a little talking to.
I made a list of all the pie in the sky , super cool things I'd ever heard of people doing. From skydiving, to owning a convertible, to designing clothes for fat girls, to writing for Bitch magazine, to having five straight male friends. I wrote everything down and picked out 15 things I'd like to have accomplished by the end of that year.
And then thought specifically about what I'd need to do in January to have it accomplished by December- like:
1) Buy a copy of Bitch magazine and read it cover to cover.
2) Think about a topic I'd like to write on.
Or:
1) Go to carmax.com
2) See how much a cheapo, early 90's model VW Cabrio would cost. etc. etc.)
Set dates to have the simplest things done by, and then enter them into your calendar. And then do them.
None of this is revolutionary. No advice really is. It's a matter of doing it. And being prepared to take the detours when you can find them. Don't get in your own way, take help when people offer it, and trust your guts. That's another thing they're good for. 